Ok so I’m going to try this and see if I can even keep it up. I’ve tried before, and it waxes and wanes with my mood, but that’s okay – I figure I’ll try again and post as best as I can. It does hurt to try, does it? Maybe if I collect pictures through the day, even for a few days, and do a “mass posting” sometimes, that will help – I honestly can’t post breakfast, then lunch, then dinner (3 times a day) all of the time. I’m too scatterbrained for that kind of discipline!
But here we have breakfast. I was turned on to oatmeal by Kath of katheats.com about half a year ago and usually make it a la Kath. I had 1/3 cup Quaker oats with with 3/4 cup soymilk (I made it less runny than usual today and loved it), 1/2 C cooked wheatberries, with 2/3 of a banana, a pinch of salt, some nutmeg and cinnamon. I use 1/2 to a whole banana just depending on what I feel like that day. I also had .5 TBSP of chia (my chia ranges from .5 to 1 also just depending on the day), and I used Cascadian Farm Organic granola as a topper today along with a little spoonful o’ almond buttah (also a la Kath). My toppings really are what I have on hand … sometimes they are plentiful, sometimes they are pathetic. Usually it’s coconut and granola. I’m serious, if I can make this meal, so can you.
But here we have breakfast. I was turned on to oatmeal by Kath of katheats.com about half a year ago and usually make it a la Kath. I had 1/3 cup Quaker oats with with 3/4 cup soymilk (I made it less runny than usual today and loved it), 1/2 C cooked wheatberries, with 2/3 of a banana, a pinch of salt, some nutmeg and cinnamon. I use 1/2 to a whole banana just depending on what I feel like that day. I also had .5 TBSP of chia (my chia ranges from .5 to 1 also just depending on the day), and I used Cascadian Farm Organic granola as a topper today along with a little spoonful o’ almond buttah (also a la Kath). My toppings really are what I have on hand … sometimes they are plentiful, sometimes they are pathetic. Usually it’s coconut and granola. I’m serious, if I can make this meal, so can you.
I biked for 25-30 minutes today after breakfast … I say 25-30 because I wasn’t really keeping score, and the dogs kept making me hop off the bike to let them out (Zoe is a puppy after all, and while she’s had only a few accidents in the house, she is just learning and will pee on the tile by the back door if not let out!). In fact we have a stinky spot on the carpet where she had an accident, and I can’t quite pin-point it. YUCKY. I’m totally going to hunt for it when I get home from the counselor. In fact, the house needs a good cleaning after our epic snowstorm last week, and that’s what I intend to do after my appointment today.
Lunch was quick but good: a sandwich on Great Harvest Nine Grain composed of red pepper hummus (the good kind from our local health food store … ugh I forget the name but it’s so thick and good), Organic turkey, organic chedder, a nice big handful of mixed greens, and a teeny drizzle of ranch dressing (I could have left that off but ya know, it was good). Plus an orange.
At counseling we talked about how I don’t have to give people who aren’t in my “inner circle” (like my mom and Luke etc) deep answers because those people aren’t relevant to my life. I.E. those friends I ran into at the store and who said I looked thinner than they remembered. My life is not their business. I don’t owe them anything. Next time I will try saying “Oh nothing much – I’m just shopping,” or “You know, the most exciting thing in my life right now is that I just got a new puppy! What’s up with you?” … I’ll turn the conversation immediately back to them - which is actually what happened in this instance. Most people who aren’t relevant to our lives, who we just meet in passing, want a silly and simple answer. We can give one to them without feeling like we are lying and then we can move on. In fact, I can just dismiss if I want by saying “Looks like you’re shopping – I don’t want to hold you up! Have a nice day!”
B is a very wise counselor and I truly appreciate her input. She acknowledged that I want to be seen as more than a “size” by those people, that I’ve been treated like a “size” many times and it was hurtful … but she’s also a realist. Some people are just like that. We can’t change them, and they don’t know it’s hurtful. But we can choose how we respond.
Of course I won’t be mean to them or snotty – that’s an unhelpful extreme. But I can direct the conversation with simple answers and a smile. It’s what most people want anyway – just to say hello and not to hear your life story. You will have those “gossip-y” types (like the ones I ran into) but it’s rare, and again, you are in control of the information that you give!
Of course I won’t be mean to them or snotty – that’s an unhelpful extreme. But I can direct the conversation with simple answers and a smile. It’s what most people want anyway – just to say hello and not to hear your life story. You will have those “gossip-y” types (like the ones I ran into) but it’s rare, and again, you are in control of the information that you give!
Next time I plan to say “I’ve just been up to this and that” when prompted about what I’ve been up to, school, or anything I’m uncomfortable with sharing. It’s perfectly ambiguous, and I urge anyone to say the same – nothing wrong with it!
After counseling I took Zoe and Louis on a quick walk. Zoe is still young so it was less than a block but I think they both enjoyed a little outing.
Now begins my “crunch time.” That’s what I call the time when I possibly can have binge and purge urges. My binging is not typical binging though. I don’t buy mass quanitites of food, eat, purge, eat, purge, etc. I’ve been there, done that. Now it’s tapered into an “I eat a little extra snack and feel guilty” so I’ll sneak off and purge … then I think “why the heck not …” eat a little extra and have another purge. I don’t have this very often anymore, but the afternoon and evening are the times when I have to watch it the most – when I get bored, when my emotions can overflow easily and I don’t know how to handle them … I have a plethora of triggers. I just have to watch carefully, try to keep myself even and busy.
I have to share my love of Hasbeens with you because it’s FINALLY warm enough to wear them today – 70 degrees out! That’s bare-legged weather, ya’ll! I am the biggest FAN of these clogs … don’t let the Kronor be daunting, they are the best and cheapest direct from Sweden! So very organic too! I am a bit of a Clothes Horse, guys, and I love my shoes, but I like the comfy ones the best. These are the perfect height (they’re the high ones but really, they’re actually quite low for a heel!) and the perfect fit for my narrow foot! *joy*
Forgive Ye Olde Bruise on my leg and ugly cracked toe nail polish. It’s time to re-do it after months of hiding in non-sandals! I’m so excited for pretty days ahead!
~ M
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