New URL

Ok ya'll, I'm moving URLS so I can manage my style blog and my food blog from the same account - my new URL is http://charminglybipolar.blogspot.com/ - hope this isn' too confusing! I move around like a crazy person, I know, but a crazy person I am! :P  My new blog is called Charmingly Bipolar because I like to think that I am Charmingly Bipolar, lol, but it's the exact same content as this one. I may buy my own domain through Google, but for now, just follow the link, and you'll find me! :)

~ M

I am 100% back to Google!

After a brief visit to Wordpress, I am back to Google. For. GOOD. :)

~ M

May Be Sticking to Google?!

Ok the WordPress account kinda stinks. Google, I may have to forgive you.

~ M

Moving or Not

I'm toying with moving to WordPress. It's much slower than Google but on the upside, it's more sleek. Mmm.



Google Goo

Ah, Google! You're not letting me uploading pictures STILL? Arg!

Ok, ya'll, I'm keeping track today, and I'm going to narrate (and upload pics later!):

Lunch was a bagel thin with stone honey mustard (a first for me!), spinach, ham, and cheese. Plus a mini-bagel with sunflower butter and granola.

Snack: A tiiiiny cookie from the mall that I got off a free cookie stand. When I got home, I wanted more carbs so I had 2 mini-bagel sandwiches (same as above). Yeah, I was starving.

Dinner at 6:30: A SIAB with tons of spinach!! L actually had one too (with less spinach but still!). We decided not to go out after all!

Snack: A clementine orange, a popsicle, and a mug of tea!

Hopefully I'll get back with pics soon!

~ M

Morning Musings

My post is a little late this morning because I had to purchase more picture space from Google - apparently it's taken me only half a month to reach my free picture quota. Damn you, Google. Ah well. I've been thinking about investing in this blog, ya'll, and I'm researching hosts. So far my favs are just justhost, ipage, and FatCow (the name brings me so much joy!). I may have L help me decide which to choose (I'm thinking justhost may be the one?).

I need to make a trip to Ye Olde Grocery Store today - I'm going to try to compile a list of ALL that we'll need for the week and actually attempt to get everything. This is a first for me, ya'll. Fo' realz.

The menu?

I think I'm going to try Mexican Cornbread once more to perfect it. You see, L didn't like the jalapenos in such large chunks (I'm going to add less too). Plus I'm going to add zucchini and a maybe little shallot this time. I was inspired by Healthy Tipping Point's Southwestern Cornbread to try the zucchini thang.

I'm also going to try Angel's Pasta, a vegetarian pasta dish that I found online. L is willing to try vegetarian, which is awesome!

There's also a crockpot roast with beans in the near future too (I may do that one early on just so L can snack on it for lunch if he so desires - this makes up for the vegetarian dish, haha).

I may also attempt a sweet treat (these peanut butter cookies from Oh She Glows look simple enough for me but so delightful!), but this may depend on my mood (duh) and the food budget. Guess what? I have done minimal baking in my life - just a few cookies and pies here and there. But I'd love to be a great baker! So I think practice makes PERFECT! :)

L and I may go out to dinner tonight .... or not! I need to talk to him about it! It may or may not be in the food budget. I think I just need to hit the store first, right?

Breakfast: apple oatmeal with tons of chia (I put too many tsps in!). I also totally forgot to add cottage cheese at the end, and let's just say that I noticed when I took my first bite! Mental note: add cottage cheese a la Kath's Eats at the end. It's a subtle thing that totally makes oatmeal 10 times better!

I'll post pictures once my quota comes back!

I Heart Walks N Sparkles

My mood totally improved with a little nap today - that's the thing about my manic depression; sometimes I just have to sleep away my little 'mood spells'! L and I also took the pups for a walk after dinner, and that always makes me so happy (not to mention how much it thrills the puppers!).

Dinner was a raspberry strawberry smoothie (split with L),

And a Mexican Cornbread split with L and a little spinach salad.

I biked for about 40 minutes tonight and had two popsicles for dessert. I'm so glad that I stumbled upon them in the store - they are just perfect for me!

As my last "hurrah" before putting my credit card away to "save up" for my big purchase of the Canon Rebel, I bought myself a special headband that I've wanted for a long time. Cute, isn't it? I'm also trying to cut back on my credit card usage. I don't use it much, but I've noticed that with my eating disorder getting better, my bill has gotten a little higher. I've never been in credit card debt, and I surely don't want to go down that road, so I'm giving my card to L until I can save up for that camera! :)

We also bought Zoe a collar from Orvis last night - we bought the fuschia one (second from the left) with the white lettering. Louis has the black one, but I may eventually buy him a colorful one too. :P  These dog collars are just so wonderful; Louis had been wearing one since 2007, and I just got him a new one a year ago.

Now I'm gonna enjoy a cup of chocolate mint tea before bed! Yummy! So glad that it's Friday tomorrow - L and I can't decide if we want to eat out for dinner tomorrow or not!

~ M



Corny Afternoon

Early lunch: leftovers from last night (Mexican Cornbread).

Snack around 2:00. Yog with sunflower butter, chia seeds, granola, and some raspberry jam. I needed it! My mood is a little low this afternoon, ya'll!

Zoe got some new toys from Petsmart, and she loves them!


Hopefully this afternoon I'll see a shift in mood.

~ M

My Magic Potion

You cannot defeat me! Not as long as I have my magic potion!

Breakfast today was the same as yesterday (a la Kath Eats) ... and I. loved. it. :)  Again, my appetite was as fat as Mr. Phoenix (he got chubby from winter snacking!), and this bowl was peeerfect!

Zoe says "Zzzz!" this morning, but Louis is always wide-eyed the second I step out of bed. He's my little follower. :)

Last night I had so much energy that I biked for 30 minutes and did weights after all of the riding! I definitely could have kept biking too, but I try to set limits, especially since it was about 9:00 at night, and I had already been quite active during the day.

I'd love it if they built a machine that could physically make you feel how the general population's energy level is versus an average manic depressive in manic states and depressive states. I honestly am curious to know what the normal (although you could argue that normal is just a setting on a washing machine!) person's energy level is versus my crazy ones. And how great would it be for mental illness education? Same with a machine that would show you what schizophrenics experience and other mental illnesses. Cool, huh? :)

Have a good one!

~ M

Mexican Cornbread

Tonight I begin my baking/cooking adventures. My first recipe is an easy "oldie but goodie": Mexican Cornbread. My mom gleaned this recipe from a college roommate back in the 1970's (and the roommate got it from a childhood friend who said her mom made it for her as a child! Cool story). Totally vintage, right? But it's relatively healthy, especially if you use lean beef. I'm sure you could add other ingredients like various veggies (zucchini or tomato would be awesome!).

Ingredients:

- 1/2 lb ground beef (I do a pound) - browned

- 1 C cornmeal

- 1/2 tsp. salt

- 1/2 tsp. baking soda

- 2 eggs

- 1 C milk

- 1/2 C cooking oil

- 1/2 onion (I omit)

- 3 jalapenos (I use canned but you can easily omit)

- 1 can creamed corn

- 1/2 lb cheese (Velveeta works wonderfully)

Directions: Mix all together and bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.

See? Easy peasy! I'm a novice at cooking, so if I can make this, you can too! :)

A little soy/dairy mix to drink.

We rode horses this afternoon (second time for me today!); I took most of the pictures, and my sis and L rode since I wore the wrong shoes this morning and now have awful "ankle burn" from the saddle. I didn't ride too much this afternoon but instead took some pictures.

See my cackling face peeping in the left corner? Proof I rode Phoenix today! The only pic I'm in out of about 70 that were on my camera.

L on Flashy.

Handsome boys. This is my fav pic of the day.

I'm having a raspberry popsicle now. I forgot to take a picture. I think I like raspberry, strawberry, and grape Dreyer's so far - tangerine isn't my fav.

Have a great one!

~ M

Lazy Horse

It is such a beautiful day that my sis and I went out to ride the ponies!

For lunch, I had a horse-sized appetite and ate a little more than usual! For those of you who think that horseback riding isn't a sport or doesn't do anything for your body, think again! (Especially when you have a lazy pony like mine and want him to pick up the pace and keep it going - you're using your entire body, especially your legs and bum, to constantly encourage him!!)

I had three big spoonfuls of plain jane Stonyfield vanilla yog with the rest of my wheatberry supply - probably 2 tbsp? - and a spoonful of raspberry jam. Yes, I'm on a jam kick! It tasted sooo much better in yogurt than in my oatmeal this morning! I also added a tbsp of granola and mixed it all together.

An apple. I ended up cutting 'er in half and adding a tbsp of sunflower butter to one half for a mini-boost.

And the star of the show - my good ol' ham 'n cheese with ranch/cottage cheese mix and a hearty helping of spinach. So simple but so tasty. I was craving this as I drove home!

I think we're going back out to ride a bit more after lunch because we had such a great time (and our morning ride was rather lazy ...).

Hopefully more pics will ensue!

~ M



Bossy Betta

This morning when I went into the kitchen, our betta fish Charlie was staring me down for some pellets. That little toot eats about five each day whereas most bettas eat one a week! Words that describe Charlie? Gigantic and rude. But that's what makes him so fun. :)  He's a survivor of a betta with personality, not a scrawny little thing!

Forgive the water-stains. He gets a fresh glass of water every five days ... his glass is just a little stained and could use a trip through the dish washer.

Breakfast was, of course, oatmeal. I'm thinking I'll switch to smoothies a little more once it warms up around here, but for now, I'm liking my warm oats. I'm also thinking about branching out to eggs tomorrow or the next day for some variety. I mean, c'mon, I can't eat oats all of the time. I'd bore everyone and myself to death!

I did my usual combo here so I won't bother with the measurements ... but I *did* get wild and add about a tbsp of raspberry jam today with my sunflower butter (which was a rather big spoonful ... mine is still pretty runny!). Will I do the jam thing again? Probably not. I honestly couldn't taste it no matter how hard I tried! The jam just got lost amidst all of the other flavors. I think my oatmeal is complex, and ya gotta be a heavy hitter to compete with the flavor. Sorry there, jam. You're not swingin' hard enough!

I can't decide if today is going to be a really high energy day or not ... it might be since I skipped my work out yesterday!

I'm also going to my Mom's house to grab several recipes. Hopefully I'll make one tonight. Sounds fun!

~ M



Not My Finest Picture But a Great Smoothie!

I had a popsicle along with the below snacks. The picture I took of it ... well, let's just say that it's not my finest picture. After looking at it tonight, I've decided that it looks a little ... erhm ... not family friendly. And this is definitely a family friendly blog! I also had a teeeny tiny yogurt with topping and jam around 3:00 (same with popsicle). I'm talking a little scoop - I was ravenous, but I didn't want to start "snick-snacking" too terribly, you see! This was actually a really good solution!

I also sipped on a cup or so of almond milk. 40ish calories? Yes please.

I had dinner around 5:30. A raspberry and strawberry smoothie. And an hour and a half nap after I ate it. I think it was just really really filling, and I needed to digest. Plus I've needed a nap today regardless. I tried to bike but after about five minutes, it was clear that a nap was needed instead of cardio today!

The first picture is taken with the flash, the second without. My camera gets rather difficult at night because the natural light is gone! But isn't the color in the first gorg?

Raspberry Strawberry SIAB (it's a type of Green Monster):

- one banana

- 1 C frozen raspberries

- 1 C frozen strawberries (I let them both unthaw a bit before I use them!)

- 1 scoop protein powder (I love vanilla!)

- 1 tbsp coconut

- 2 tbsps chia seed

- 1 C soy milk

- a huge handful of spinach leaves (probably at least a 1 C and a half)

- topped with coconut and granola!

Deeeelicious! And extremely filling - come hungry for this one!

After my nap, I wanted a little something sweet, so I had another Dreyers fruit bar - this time it was grape (my fav). I love that it's only 45 calories for that little piece of heaven! Plus it really signifies that I'm done with dinner. Hopefully this picture is less inappropriate than the one that I didn't post! :)  Believe me, I was looking lopsided at the popsicle debating where to post it! Maybe I just have a dirty mind?

Ok ya'll, here's the thing - I'm going to start trying to make "big" meals for me and L so we can have more leftovers. We have separate finances, see, and ever since we started living together, we've kept our food separate for the most part.

The problem? L sucks at shopping for himself. And I'm sick of watching L come home and eat bowls of cereal for dinner. And L's sick of it too. :)  However, I have to portion out the casseroles and such so L doesn't *eat* the entire thing while I just get one piece (because he's a piggy).

I'm taking charge of the kitchen and the food and the portions for a while ... we'll see if this is going to work. I'm going to grab some recipes tonight and tomorrow and get started hopefully tomorrow or Thurs. I'm personally rather excited!

~ M

A Simple Lunch Plus Operation Success

Before going to counseling, I made a quick lunch:

A ham and cheddar cheese sammie with Annie's ranch dressing (since I'm not a mayo fan) and a huge handful of spinach! Simple, classy, yummy. Plus a Pacific Rose apple.

Add a cup of tea. :)

After visiting Mom at her work (see below), I had half of a bagel thin with raspberry jam and goat cheese (a weird combo but tasty!).

I posted my first Operation Beautiful notes today. I was too chicken to take pictures of them in the bathroom because it was hopping with ladies, and I had a second to "post and run," but I did take a picture of them before I took them up to my Mom's workplace. :)

I really hope that nobody takes them down! I'd love for some ladies to get a boost from them - I know that the workers up there could use a smile!

I think I'm going to keep some tape/sticky notes in my purse now and randomly post these notes whenever I go into a public bathroom. I'm always working on my self-esteem, and I think I should help others too. After all, we have to support each other in this ol' world, right? I just love this Operation Beautiful idea!

~ M

What's Working for Me

A few thoughts on what's working for me:

1. Planning times for my meals and snacks. If I start feeling really hungry a few minutes before my times, I go ahead and eat, but it's so nice to have a set of written times to follow.

2. Biking in the afternoons instead of the morning. I'll do some weights in the morning, but I typically bike in the afternoon when L's home so he can lift weights while I bike. We like to work out together.

3. Blogging. This is an obvi one, but blogging really helps me stay positive, keep track of what I am eating, "journal" my thoughts about what's working, what's not working so well, even keep track of my good moods and my not so good moods. It's really helpful!

4. Exercise. This goes in the same category as biking, but I also do weights. Some days I hit the gym for about 30 minutes to do my legs, sometimes not (I get anxiety about the gym and people a little bit), but the combination of biking, weights, and walking the doggies = a golden improvement from being stagnant!

5. Keeping myself occupied as much as possible. Exercise, blogging, planning, getting out when necessary (both by myself and with L) are all part of this - see, it all melds together in an amazing way - because when I'm bored or not occupied, I am more prone to give into urges to binge and thus possibly purge if my mood is bad.

6. Counseling and going to the psychiatrist regularly. Professional help is essential to beating an eating disorder (whether you have to go to an in-patient clinic, out-patient, choose a counselor, etc), and of course, if you have bipolar disorder and/or any other mental illness, you should definitely see a psychiatrist! I go to B once a week and to Dr. J once a month (if I'm stable). I often reflect on what I've talked about with B on the blog and in a notebook if it's too private to share publicly so I really digest what we talk about - it helps write it down!

7. A *true inner desire for change* plus a positive attitude. It's not always easy - I'm not going to pretend that it is! But you have to want to change so darn much and be prepared to do anything. If I can't beat this eating disorder in the direction that I'm going, and I relapse badly, I will be going to a clinic. But I believe that I *CAN* do this with the help of B, Dr. J, and my own firm resolve.

What *hasn't* worked for me so far:

1. Promising myself prizes. At first, I promised myself a new camera if I went a whole month without binging and purging. Know how long that lasted? A. Day. Don't set unrealistic goals for yourself. I'm not setting a time limit on my recovery nor am I promising myself a prize for winning my war ... my prize will be my health. B says it'll be a slow process of winning small battles to win the war, and one day I'll realize that I've won, probably without knowing it.

2. Beating myself up for having a "slip." It happens, and I always get so down because of it - I need to work on forgiveness because I'm not 100% free yet. But I'm thrilled to announce that I'm documenting my "slips" now, and they are thrillingly much fewer than they've ever been.

3. Going to the store without having a list. If I go to the store without planning, I'm more prone to buy reckless foods, like breads, that entice me to binge. If I have a concrete list, something where I can cross each item off, I feel accomplished and I'll come home without potential binge foods.

I'm definitely still experimenting with what's working and what's not! Now I'm going to post to OperationBeautiful notes today ... I'm especially going to post several at my mom's place of work. I think those ladies need a boost, and I hope that note might give them one!

~ M

A Bowl of Pure Sunshine Amidst the Fog!

It's a foggy morning today! But ya know what makes a foggy morning most excellent? Sunflower butter!

I tried it on my oats, and it was soooo good. It rivals my love of peanut butter!

My oatmeal turned out sooo WONDERFULLY today - I added a little cottage cheese a la Kath, and it really adds a new level to your oatmeal. I'm talking creamy, dreamy, delicious! I'm sold!

I also tried a new granola flavor - cinnamon raison by Cascadian Farm (can you tell I like them? They're cheap but good). It was quite a nice change from my usual fruit and nut. I'll definitely be keeping both around for a nice variety.

Today's yummy bowl:

- 1/3 C oats

- 3/4 C almond milk

- 1 tbsp chia

- 2 tbsp cooked wheatberries

- cottage cheese stirred in at the end a la Kath's Eats

- salt, cinnamon (I use quite a bit, I noticed), nutmeg

- spoon o' sunflower butter, 1/4 C granola



The dogs were not nearly as excited this morning about my delightful breakfast as me!

I'm just a sleepy lil shih tzu!

*flop*

She didn't give us any of her food despite these adorable sad eyes! What are we poor pups to do?!

Ah yes, and I must share this glorious thought with ya: I'd like to upgrade from my little sony point and shoot (although the dear thing serves me extremely well). But I use it everyday and plan on continuing this blog for a long long time.

I think this guy would be a good starting place, no? It's pretty expensive,  but I love me my pictures, and I think I'd start out with just it and acquire several more lenses in the future after I play around with it some (those darn lenses are expensive too!).

*the majesty*

~ M

Sunflower Butter and Salad

Today I finally went to both United and Walmart and re-stocked the kitchen!

A snack, you say? A bagel thin with sunflower butter and a little raspberry jam. I didn't bother to re-plate for the picture so it's messy!

Then I biked for 40 minutes ... and it was time for dinner!

I had a ton of bread today so I decided to make a salad.

This is spinach, wheatberries, cottage cheese, turkey breast, kidney beans, Annie's ranch, and herb goat cheese. Not too bad for a quick but really delightful dinner. I also admit that I had another bagel thin because I was still hungry! But it did the trick, ya'll! I think my biking made me hungry!

I also had a Dreyers berry popsicle after dinner but ate it before I took a picture! I think something sweet but low cal after supper is perfect for me ... it tells me that I'm done for the night.  Another trick that may really work well for me in the long run!

In other news, L and I think that a crazy mole on my arm may need to be removed - it's gotten bigger and rather weird-looking with a nasty little crust on it that I just noticed yesterday. I'm going to go show my mom tonight (she's had several removed) ... but I'll get myself to the derm to have his professional opinion! How yucky! If I have melanoma PLUS cervical cancer that would be lame. Gah! :P  It may just be an odd big mole - I do have several!

~ M

Scheduling

I'm trying something new today.

I've written down a schedule - like 12:00 lunch, 3:00 snack, 6:00 dinner - for myself. See, I'm a person who's really a stickler for writing things down, visualizing them, and sticking to it. I love writing, planning, scheming ... so I'm going to see if just having a "written schedule" to think about for my meals will help me today. Now I may switch it up a bit each day by 30 minutes or so, you know, so I won't get used to it and get bored, but this just might help.

Last night I wrote my first one, and so far it seems to be sticking in my head quite well - I hope it sticks just as well when my "snick-snacking witching hours" around 3:00 and on hit! It's definitely worth a shot.

In other news, I feel like I've been scolding the dogs a ton today - they're really been roughhousing this morning all over the house, especially Zoe-pup (who likes to step on me ... she just doesn't realize how huge she is, especially with those big paws and claws!). I feel like such a meanie.

Lunch: It's slim pickens around here, so I made a bagel sandwich.

It's a bagel thin-thing, Boar's Head turkey, cottage cheese, ancient spinach (that's about to be chunked and replaced!), about half of a jazz apple, and a little bit of ranch. Plus the other half of the jazz apple on the side.

The sandwich objected to being photographed and didn't want to stay put!

I think I've also realized a break-through that B will be interested to hear, internetz. My binge-urges are much worse on the weekend ... like Fri, Sat, and Sun. I've been keeping track. Yes. I know you're interested. :P  But it's something that I've discovered - I'm so good during Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and usually Thursday ... then the weekend hits, and it all goes to heck. Perhaps because my routine is disrupted?

~ M

Nuttier than a Peanut

Oh dear oh dear. I've been slacking slacking this weekend on the picture-taking and posting. What happened? Well I'll tell ya!

It's just my nasty ol' mood is what it is! To be perfectly candid, my special cycle is upon me. And ladies with bipolar, my nurse friends (hey gals!) say that they see ladies with manic depression coming in because they have such a hard time around that time of month. I wonder if that's my problem. So ya know? This hysterectomy may be a very freeing thing in more ways than one! Gotta look on the bright side here!

To be perfectly honest, this weekend has not been a great one. Neither has this past week, in fact. I'm really hoping to see myself level out in the next few days ... else it's off to the Dr. I also missed my regular appointment with B last Tuesday because of a migraine ... I hate missing those, but I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

Breakfast was oatmeal. A pretty picture but definitely not my favorite bowl - I think today's addition of coconut wasn't what my tastebuds really wanted!

I am officially out of a ton of foodstuffs so I'll be headed to Ye Olde Store today. L made pancakes last night ... only to see that we were out of syrup when he was ready to eat them. That's one of the worst of travesties to L (I think he'd shed a tear or two if he weren't such a toughie), so I'll be sure to pick up some pure maple syrup when I go, just for him. :P

~ M