For lunch, I decided on a salad instead of that smoothie:
It was a "spaghetti salad" and to be honest, I ended up not eating the spaghetti but just the chicken and the spinach and a smidge of pasta sauce. I guess I don't care for heavy pastas in the a.m.! I still wasn't too hungry from yesterday either.
I went to the gym today and did leg weights for about 30 minutes. :) The I came home and biked and did arm weights for about 30/40 more. I'm still really energetic today too.
This leads to me to a point. Since I've been combating bulimia, I've also been having to watch my snacking. Yes, I do exercise and I need snacks. But I also need to not over-snack. Yesterday I definitely "over-snacked" with 4 scones and more. Today I'm really trying to be careful and document all that I eat, ya'll. See, I still battle "phantom hunger" that's me wanting soothing/bored/whatever that's my eating disorder talking to me most of the time versus REAL hunger. I have to decipher the real versus the not real, and sometimes it's soo darn hard, I tell ya! I try to limit my snacks to before and after working out or when my stomach pains are REEEAAAALLLLY BIG and obviously BAD.
For instance. As I type this post, I have made my dinner sandwich. But I haven't eaten it. Why? Because I had a phantom hunger pain. I wasn't sure, and the act of making that sandwich but coming here to type this post and ignoring it for a minute has led me to the conclusion that no, I am not ready to eat it yet. My eating disorder was, in fact, trying to trick me. But I won this time, ya'll. I made the sandwich, said "ok, now I'll go away for a minute and see if I'm REALLY hungry or not by distracting myself" ... and it turns out that I can go for a while without it because I have just had the below snacks not too long ago.
After my 30 minutes at the gym, I was starving from not eating all of my lunch so I had a Stonyfield raspberry yogurt with a topping of Red Mill muesli (yum!).
And one of those teeny bagels with some fresh roasted chicken on it.
(L came home, and he and Zoe passed out on the couch.)
Then I think my eating disorder began to trick me, internetz, and I had a tiny plum ...
And about half of a small jazz apple.
By this time, I realized what was going on, and I decided to distract myself. I took a shower, tried to read, then I decided to test my stomach pains by making that sandwich I wanted. I made a deal with myself: if I can make this sandwich, then I will leave it on the counter until 6:30. That's another hour and a half. I will not gobble it down like my eating disorder is saying. I will enjoy it when my tummy is really hungry.
So I made my sandwich; avocado, sliced boar's head chicken breast, 1.5 slices of provolone cheese, and 2 slices of Mrs. Baird's whole wheat (we're out of the awesome bread so this will have to do), and a handful of spinach.
I took my picture, and it is now sitting on the counter, waiting for 6:30 p.m.
~ M
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